When I went to sleep, Gore was going to be president. When I woke up, Bush was going to be president. I can't remember the moment when I stopped believing in this country the way I used to, because I slept through it.

I was going to stop here, but Fray's automated thingy told me I was being too brief. That's quite a novel notion for a longwinded idiot like me. Fine. I'll keep going then.

Three and a half years later, I found my tear-streaked face staring at a tear-streaked woman's face on a big screen, as she didn't shake her fist or fall to her knees before the white house. She just cried. She said how she knew now where to aim her sorrow and her frustration and her bitter rage. She had a target now: the man who would be king, Bush Jr.

And I found myself crying because I knew she was wrong. Up until that moment I believed that too. I thought if only we could remove Bush from office, this country would be a better place. However, in watching her moment where she realized she didn't believe in her country the way she used to, I learned I no longer believed the way I used to.

It's so much harder than that. There's so much more to do. I don't think there's anyone in this country or this planet willing or capable of doing the really hard work to get this country and this world back on track, because we're all too busy killing each other. We're all too busy pushing one another's buttons and forcing our morality upon each other. We forgot to follow the money. It's the economy stupid. How soon we forget. The office of the president is just a figurehead. He's a smokescreen. We're arguing over Bush and Kerry while the real power brokers buy and sell off chunks of this corporate oligarchy republic that occasionally pretends to be a democracy. The haves, the have nots, the have mores, and the have littles all have equal shares of blame to pass around, but are too busy pointing fingers.

A man with a camera aimed it at that woman as she almost fell to her knees and almost shook her fist at the white house. A man of some sincerity and conviction, blatantly used that woman's moment of grief to further his own political agenda. An agenda that before that moment I happened to agree... but in that moment I lost my own convictions. I don't know what to know anymore. I don't know what I believe. There's three sides to every argument. If I can only be on one side or the other, I'll never be on the side of truth.

I went to Fahrenheit 911 as a member of the metaphorical choir to which Michael Moore would preach. Somewhere in that moment and this moment right here, I realized I didn't believe the way I did. I thought the democrats just need to win this time, but that's not going to change anything.

Once long ago, I went to sleep and freedom was, well, free. . When I woke up, freedom was bought and sold on some market somewhere, and the price is apparently only for the elite. One person can get away with flashing her breast in front of millions, but another person can't discuss sex with his friends in public. I can't remember the precise moment when my beliefs of freedom no longer gelled with reality, because the wool was pulled over my eyes, and I slept through it.

ZachsMind  4 Jul 2004

Think of how many more people may not be seeing fireworks if we would let terrorism continue. Sometimes there are alternate endings to a story which are never told. Shall we as a country sit back and watch as 9-11 is reinacted in a horrible nuclear explosion in Chicago? Or maybe it would be a spread of biochemical weaponry throughout the eastern states. Are you watching the fireworks this fourth of July? When you do, remember to thank our president for your chance to be alive.

SPC Bernhardt US ARMY

Jough  4 Jul 2004

No, I can't say that I am a true believer. I used to believe though, but events in my life made me opened my eyes. Since my father died, I do not believe in God or some higher form or whatever. I don't believe that once we die, we go to heaven. I think heaven is something what's inside of you, something you create for yourself and the people you love and respect. Now with all the turmoil in Iraq and other places in the world, I stopped to believe in leadership. No, that's not right... I stopped to believe in the truth. As a Belgian citizen, as a European, as a human being on this planet, I find it's unacceptable that just a few can decide the destiny or the faith of many. I have some friends working in the region, people I count as my best friends. I am worried about them, worried about the future of a nation, worried about the future of the free world. That's perhaps the one thing I still believe in. To be free to believe, to love, to hope ...

BC03  4 Jul 2004

I find as I get older the word "sorta" gets appended to my beliefs. As in "I believe in God, sorta" and "The United States still a great country, sorta." I think it's because I've seen so much that it's just no longer possible to believe they way I used to, there's just too much that I've seen that makes me question everything.

The funny thing is, I want to believe. Not like in the Fox Mulder poster of aliens, but in the things that I once held so dear. In a world watched over and protected by a loving God who won't take your mother away from you just days before your first day of high school. In a country that wont take away the freedoms your father fought (and almost died for, twice) for in WW II.

I want to believe.

Tom  4 Jul 2004

I don't believe anymore. 9-11 really hit hard personally and though I've only been to New York once, I felt so devastated. I believe that the United States is the greatest country in the world. Being an American, it's hard to comprehend that so many people hate us. We're only trying to help and survive as best we know how. What do we do now? I am 45 years old and feel that my life will never be the same as before. I want to feel safe again, even if it's not real.

randee  4 Jul 2004

I'm going to be sending off my immigration papers to live permanently in the united states today. it makes me feel slightly queasy.

when i first came here, in the previous century, i'd have been happy to apply. now i feel like i'm signing up to join a fight. and not a fight against an enemy, but a fight against itself. i would have held this country to my bosom on 9/11, it was so upsetting and so hurt. and now? now when they invaded that country that had nothing to do with the attack, to kill a single dictator by shoving one long sword through thousands of innocent people. what was that? i argued with people about afghanistan, defended it to those who felt it was too much. how could i argue about iraq. from almost any direction, it seemed like a distraction, an unrealistic goal in a battle against enemies that were all too real.

i've seriously considered moving back to where i came if bush got re-elected. but when people hear that, they say "well go then!". which makes me want to stay. to at least be heard, to at least try and make some change that would make me proud to be an american, proud of myself again.

i just wish i believed as much in this country now as when i arrived.

homelander  4 Jul 2004

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